Let me evaluate and compare myself before and today.
from my photos above, can you determine which is the most recent one? ^_^
well, 20 years have passed already since i was born in this world (no words can describe how thankful I am to our Almighty God that have reached this age).
Actually, for me nothing has changed.I still feel the same way before and in terms to my looks I still believe that I still look young as before. Maybe, because I still have the same hairstyle and my innate baby looking face :P
I actually still believe that I am still that gal that is full of energy and enthusiasm. That I still want to play around and make fun of others. I love to play different roles in my life that sometimes pushed me beyond to the limits such as hurting other people feelings and throwing away good relationships. (hahahhaha..im very insensitive person)
However, i have realized that the way people look at you change as you grew older. People around me has no longer patience and understanding anymore. In other words, they are telling me that i should act as my age. (no room for immaturity nah)
If i were to evaluate myself I am more mature now because compare before every month I have enemy but now I don't have enemy already but I still stick to my principle that our closeness before wont be the same today in order to protect my feelings of getting hurt again. (atleast we could be civil) ryt?
Lately, i have many worries in my head. My head was full of "What ifs" and "Do this and that". For how many years, I've been acting like this like no direction in my life. I have many plans and dreams but they keep on changing.tsk tsk. Some say that I am good at organizing events because I have creative mind and enthusiastic however they didn't know that because of these stuffs running always in my mind it causes my dilemma everyday. I struggle always in decision-making. I tend to ask everyone with their opinion before I could decide and in the end i find myself saying "Bahala na.. Lets just try something new"..
Honestly, I know the reason behind and I am tired. T_T
I have realized that what causes me hard time in decision making is that I lived with others expectations and demands. I am tired of considering many people for my decision. I have realized that It will be easier for me if I just live by myself. Actually, I have my own principles and convictions that I can only practice at School in my Organizations. But for myself, I can't decide directly because there are many mouth that dictates me what should to do and not. Actually, when i had my Debut last 2 years ago I thought I could get the freedom that I need. But i was not able to achieve it. (wala eh, takot pa rin ako madissappoint ang parents ko)
You know why? because until now I still feel I'm buying for their attention because I feel so Insecure to my sister.
Last October 16, 2013, I celebrated my birthday away from my family. It was so incomplete but I have proven myself to be capable already of Living Alone. I have proven to myself that I am responsible enough to face my endeavors in life and consequences of my actions.
In sum, I am now braver and stronger molded by my 20 years of diverse experiences. I have many fears but I come to this conclusion "I'd rather explore and fail than to follow all my life".
